Co-Regulation

Happy THURSDAY, LF TRIBE 🔥

This week is ALL ABOUT CO-REGULATION.

Listen, I get it—I’m human too. I get stressed out when things don’t go my way.

But here’s the truth about stress: it’s all in your head 🙆🏼‍♀️

(more accurately, what starts in your BRAIN 🧠 ultimately cascades throughout your entire Central Nervous System (CNS)).

AND only you can decide whether to keep pumping stress hormones throughout your entire body just because someone you love didn’t follow your blueprint for how life should go.

Yes, what your partner did or said may have triggered your Stress Response System. But that doesn’t mean you need to fuel the fire with more incendiary thoughts and negative emotions.

Instead, let’s explore this incredibly intelligent—though often faulty—system. Designed to protect you…but when it comes to relationships, it can unintentionally trap you in damaging negative cycles of conflict.

⚡️ The Stress Response System Occurs in Two Vital Stages

Adrenaline vs. Cortisol

• Adrenaline (epinephrine) kicks in almost instantly: your heart races, palms sweat, your body mobilizes.

• Cortisol comes more slowly, sustaining the stress response and keeping your body on high alert.

According to my Editor in chief and Employee of the month (ChatGPT)

• We can’t literally “stop pumping cortisol” on command—it’s a hormone regulated by the HPA axis (hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal system).

• What we can do is use interventions (breathing, grounding, co-regulation, mindfulness, gentle movement) to signal safety to the nervous system, which in turn dampens the stress cascade and reduces further cortisol release.

OKAY FINE, most people can’t WIM HOFF their neurochemistry in the way I would like them to. But in your relationship, it’s essential to put the brakes on this neurochemical cascade as quickly as possible.

💑 Why This Matters in Your Relationship

It’s almost impossible to strangle someone and hug them at the same time. ehem, what I mean is, if you’re stress response is turned ON most likely your Social Engagement System is OFF.

And we need you to be in a state of CONNECTION instead of PROTECTION. We need you to value building trust with your partner over almost anything else in the whole world. That means TRUST is more important that money, religion, material things, jobs, your career, pleasure, who did or did not do that thing they were supposed to do etc etc, you get it.

🌊 The Shift to Connection

When the exquisite cascade of neurochemistry within the Social Engagement System is flowing, you can laugh, touch, dance, feel, reason, decide, problem solve, collaborate, pause, think, analyze, and ultimately stay connected with the truth:

Whatever this moment is… however many times you’ve felt disappointed, abandoned, rejected, afraid, ashamed, or frustrated before… it will happen again until you start to change.

You cannot change them.

You must accept them.

Can you influence them? Yes.

Can you make gentle requests, communicate better, compromise, negotiate, come vulnerably, and create new patterns that replace outdated programming?

F*ck yes.

🌬 How to Practice

Be the witness. The observer of your own stress responses:

• The tone of your voice.

• The tension in your body.

• The racing of your thoughts.

Notice the “adrenaline pump” first—that initial surge—and try to interrupt the cycle before cortisol floods your system.

Cultivate a mind that is abundant with positive emotions.

And remember: the very first word out of your mouth when you’re stressed should be a breath.